


Crushing

by maybedeadbutstillpretty



Series: Crushing [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, Helpless, Missing Scene, Mostly Canon Compliant, Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9152662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybedeadbutstillpretty/pseuds/maybedeadbutstillpretty
Summary: Cordelia drives Buffy home after she confronts Giles in the library during Helpless.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've long been of the opinion that Buffy and Cordelia totally should have dated and been the Sunnydale High School power couple. So here's how I imagine Cordelia driving Buffy home would have gone in a world where there's a romantic interest between the two. Still canon compliant, though.

Silence filled the car as Cordelia drove through the mostly empty streets of Sunnydale. She couldn't help but glance over at Buffy, who was staring straight ahead, face blank and empty. Sympathy twisted in Cordelia's stomach, an emotion she liked to pretend she didn't feel. When people constantly try to tear you down from the top spot of the social hierarchy, it's better to try and come off as unfeeling and uncaring.

Buffy Summers, though, was something of an exception, even if Cordy didn't want to admit it. From the day they met, she'd found Buffy to be exceptional. Do you think Cordelia Chase ever goes out of her way to welcome a new student? Please. She has to take time to carefully assess if someone is worthy first. A process that would normally take at least a week, maybe two.

But Buffy... well, Cordelia had found herself fascinated. She'd glanced over at the new girl sitting next to her in History class and was immediately captivated. Good hair, stylish clothes, even tan. All good signs. But there'd been something else, though. Buffy was vibrant. She'd seemed to pop with life and compassion and strength. Cordelia had immediately wanted to get close to her. Sharing her history book helped with that goal, but it wasn't enough. Cordelia wanted more. Physical closeness wasn't going to cut it. 

She'd tried to shake off her feelings, uncomfortable with where her thoughts were taking her. Still, she stuck around to guide Buffy through the school, testing her to try and find a flaw, a weakness. Anything that would allow her to push Buffy away. Buffy had passed though, with flying colors. When Buffy had later ditched Cordelia to hang out with Willow... well, she'd tried to convince herself that didn't hurt. Then the incident with the stake outside the Bronze happened, and Cordelia had firmly told herself that Buffy Summers was nothing but a weirdo freak who wasn't worth her time. Hopefully telling the entire school that too would help her believe it.

Cordelia had felt slightly ridiculous when she'd started trying to compete with Buffy for Owen's attention a few weeks later. Owen wasn't really the kind of guy she would normally try to go for, but when she saw Buffy was interested in him she knew she had to swoop in. She tried to tell herself she wasn't jealous when she saw Buffy getting all flirty with Owen. Or, if she was jealous, it was because she liked Owen. Not because she liked Buffy. Definitely not that.

It didn't take long for Cordelia to figure out there was definitely something weird going on with Buffy. She constantly hung out with that stuffy librarian, she always looked exhausted, she carried around weird, outdated weapons, and she was always first on the scene at those bizzaro incidents that always happened in Sunnydale. So when those bizzaro incidents suddenly seemed to be centering around her, she knew she had to go to Buffy. And Cordelia didn't want to admit it, but having Buffy look out for her made her feel safe.

Despite what most people seemed to think, Cordelia has never been stupid. She knew she was hardcore crushing on Buffy Summers. Sure, she'd continued to date boys, and even genuinely liked some of them, like poor Kevin. But underneath all that was an unshakable interest in Buffy. She'd hoped a blissful summer spent on the beaches of St. Croix would banish Buffy from her mind, but the mindless bore of Tuscany meant Buffy had a staring role in every wondering thought she had.

Cordy wasn't going to deny that she was confused. She liked Buffy, but she couldn't date Buffy. Sunnydale High wasn't exactly progressive. Girls liking other girls would get written off as wiggy and gross or become some dude's pervy lesbian sex fantasy. Especially if one of the girls in questions was Cordelia. Her reputation would be ripped to shreds if anyone ever found out about her crush. Not that the threat of exposure stopped Cordy from wanting to spend time around Buffy.

She felt caught in this limbo of seeking Buffy out, but still pushing her away. Trying to help her when she came back to school distressed, but insulting her in the process. Inviting her to a party, but ditching her for college boys who turned out to be totally gross creeps. Getting rescued by her, but thanking Xander or Angel instead. Competing with her for Homecoming queen. Cordelia definitely craved Buffy's company, but there was no way she was letting her know that.

Cordelia wasn't quite sure how she ended up dating Xander, but she did come to have genuine feelings for him. Not that it made the Buffy crush go away. Cordy began to wonder if she'd spend the rest of her life far too interested in Buffy for her own good. Her life would have been so much simpler if Buffy Summers had never entered into it.

Cordelia had never liked girls before. Not in the way she likes Buffy. She's not sure she'd ever liked anyone the way she likes Buffy. A small piece of her was still holding on to the denial, though. She just needed to make it to graduation and she could leave Sunnydale and Buffy Summers behind.

Though that thought was kind of hard to hold onto with Buffy sitting in her car, looking so broken.

Cordelia eased her car into the driveway of Buffy's house, shifting the gear into park. She looked over at Buffy again, who didn't seem to realize the car had stopped. Cordelia felt her chest grow tight, wondering what had happened to make Buffy look so withdrawn. The vibrant strength she'd seen that first day had dimmed, replaced with detached fragility. It didn't suit Buffy, and Cordelia was once again reminded of just how much of herself Buffy continually sacrificed in order to be the Slayer. Tentatively, she reached out to take Buffy's hand. Buffy jumped but didn't pull her hand away. Cordelia tried to ignore the warmth that spread through her at the continued contact. 

"I know we're not exactly friends," Cordelia said, curing her fingers around Buffy's hand,"but if I can help or something... if there's anything I can do, just, uh, let me know."

When Buffy stared blankly at her without saying a word, she began to grow defensive and tried to will away a blush. "After all, those bags under your eyes are tragically in need of help," she said, desperately trying to salvage her pride.

She moved to pull her hand away, but Buffy grabbed it before she could. Cordelia felt her heart thud. She should not like the way Buffy's hand felt around her own as much as she did. 

"Buffy, what's wrong? What happened?"

Buffy swallowed loudly. "Giles. H-he's been injecting me with... something. Taking away my Slayer powers. He lied to me. Betrayed me. The one person I thought would never -"

Buffy's voice grew choked, and she broke off mid-sentence, staring down at her knees. She still hadn't let go of Cordelia's hand. Cordy usually prided herself on her wit and ability to always have something to say. She was socially adept and could navigate her way through any conversation. But what could she say here? Buffy loved Giles like a father that wasn't a lazy, absentee loser. Anyone could see that. Frankly, Cordelia was having trouble wrapping her mind around the issue. Giles hurting Buffy? It didn't seem possible. So how on earth could she possibly try to comfort Buffy.

"I feel like I'm nothing," Buffy said quietly.

"Nothing?" Buffy had single-handedly turned Cordelia's life upside down, and she thought she was nothing?  _Hello, you've mad me totally rethink my sexuality. That's not nothing._ Cordelia wanted to tell her. But she couldn't. Not ever.

"Nothing. Angel tried to tell me that my Slaying isn't what makes me special but... I just don't know. I don't understand anything anymore. I've never felt this weak. Even before I was called."

Cordelia tightened her grip on Buffy's hand, trying to ignore the jealousy she felt at the mention of Angel. Well, if he couldn't make Buffy feel better, then she would. She was Queen C. She could do anything. Giles's betrayal had obviously left Buffy feeling worthless. All Cordelia had to do was let Buffy know she values her.

"I've never thanked you before, have I?"

"Thanked me?"

"For saving me. Multiple times." Cordelia swallowed nervously. She couldn't look Buffy in the eyes, but she could feel her gaze. "You always come through when there's danger. For me, for everyone. You give so much of yourself, and no one ever really thanks you, do they? But you still keep going."

Cordelia took a chance and looked back over at Buffy again. She seemed stunned. "I have to keep going. No one else will."

"No one else is willing to. You... you're special, Buffy. I know I've always been a bit of a bitch. I'm kind of proud of that, actually. But I shouldn't have ever been a bitch to you. I'm sorry."

Buffy smiled slightly and laced her fingers through Cordelia's. "I haven't exactly been all with the nice to you, either."

Feeling slightly breathless, Cordelia lightly ran her thumb over Buffy's. She was probably being totally obvious about her crush, but whatever. Cordelia can be noble if she wants to. She can put Buffy's happiness above her own pride. Besides, it's not like her reputation can get any worse after the whole Xander breakup. "You don't need your Slayer powers. You're still the strongest person I've ever met."

Her words seemed to work, at least a little. Some tension left Buffy's shoulders, and she smiled with a warmth that Cordelia had never seen directed at her before. _Yes! Score one for Cordy!_

"Thank you," Buffy whispered. "Thank you for everything. I needed this."

Cordelia turned away again, knowing she was definitely blushing now. "Like I said, anything I can do to help."

"I'll let you know. I should probably go inside, now. So my mom doesn't worry."

Buffy's hand slipped away, and Cordelia nodded, focusing her gaze on the steering wheel. She started when she felt Buffy's lips on her cheek. "Thanks, Cordy."

Turning, Cordelia watched as Buffy opened the door and stepped out of the car. Offering another warm smile, Buffy shut the door and began to walk up to her house. Taking a deep breath, Cordelia put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway.

She'd kissed her. Buffy Summers had kissed her. On the cheek, sure, but still. It was a big freaking deal. Did this mean she knew about Cordelia's crush? Did Buffy return that crush? Wasn't she still chasing her stupid fairy tale love with Angel?

Cordelia drove away from Buffy's house, a million questions buzzing around her head. She had no idea what was going to happen when she next saw Buffy. But she did know that the time for hiding her crush had come to an end. She was Cordelia goddamn Chase. No one was allowed to make her feel less than what she was because of who she likes.

 _Once Buffy's feeling back to normal, she better watch out,_ Cordelia thought to herself.  _Because what Cordelia Chase wants, Cordelia Chase gets._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! It's been years since I've written fic, and this was my first time writing Buffy fic. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought!


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